The Virtuous Wife - A trustful heart & the freedom we have through Christ

Okay guys... my apologies for being so horrible with being timely on the blog! This post below I have had saved in drafts for about two months and it was 3/4 complete I just never had time to finish it ... until now! And so continues the Proverbs 31 series. Sorry it's taking so long! More to come about anniversary trip, fall recipes, etc! Thanks for your patience!!

It's September 6th (again sorry for the delay... it is now October 25th) which means it's one month until Michael and I's one year anniversary and my second Proverbs 31 deep dive blog post. For those of you who may have missed out on the first one you can read it here - (A Virtuous Wife - "a woman of strength"). I've decided to re-read and dive into Proverbs 31 to remind myself of what being a virtuous wife really means and to keep myself accountable.

The verse I'm focusing on today is:

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain." Proverbs 31:11(NKJV)

I've been thinking a lot about this verse over the last month. It's a beautiful verse for sure but what does it mean? Other translations always seem to help a bit so I've listed them below.

"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." (NIV)

"Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life." (NLT)

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." (ESV)


I tend to favor the NKJV and the NLT versions because I think they most accurately depict what the author is trying to portray. And just who is the author anyway? King Solomon wrote the majority of Proverbs but King Lemuel is thought to have written Proverbs 31. The funny thing is that no one is sure who King Lemuel is and many think that he was a fictional character that Solomon used and that Solomon himself may have written Proverbs 31 or maybe even Solomon's mother which would have been Queen Bathsheba. Solomon wrote the book of Proverbs when he was at the height of his power. Perhaps, his mother had some words of wisdom for him so he wouldn't make the same mistakes his father, King David, made? Who knows. I am just specultating. But one thing I do think for sure is that a woman wrote Provers 31.

Back to the verse. :) The reason I favor the NKJV and the NLT versions is because of the key word in them - trust. I truly believe that this is the root of a marriage and any relationship for that matter. I've found that it's can be easier for a woman to trust and open her heart than a man. I decided to do a little research of my own and try to be sneaky so I asked Michael one day, "Why do you trust me?". He thought I was crazy and said, "I don't know Rach, I just do". That's a man for ya isn't it? But to be honest a lot of times men don't know why they open up that spot in their heart and begin to fully trust you. He also proceeded to say, "You've never given me a reason not to." Now we come to the reasoning of a man's brain. :) Women tend to think and act on how they feel and their emotions while men are much more reasonable and think about facts and what they can justify. Neither way is wrong & both have it's pros and cons... we are just very different.

So when I think of why he trusts me (and I'm probably overanalyzing like most of us tend to do) I think it's because I have been there for him. I'm there in the good times and the bad. I ask questions that tug at his heart strings and sometimes make him discuss the hard stuff. In the end, I think it does us both good because he gets things off of his chest and I get to know what's on his heart. He knows that he can come home from a bad day and tell me anything and his secret and the secrets of his heart are safe with me. That's how he "safely" trusts me like the verse says. Some women I've known tell everything about what's going on in their relationships and while I think it's wonderful to have girlfriends and discuss your marriages and relationships I also think a marriage is supposed to be intimate and precious so I hold many things close to my heart that I don't share with anyone. There are private things that I only know about Michael and he only knows about me. We talk about our problems to each other not to everyone else... not even my mom although I must admit that is hard. :) But I've found that when we communicate with each other and sit down to discuss things we end up solving it within 5 minutes and the rest of the night is snuggles and laughter! So, ladies, I encourage you to communicate with your husbands, boyfriends and in any relationship you have. Communication and keeping things personal are key to trust, especially for a man.

The verse also says in the NLT version that she "will greatly enrich his life". Now, this I hope I am doing but I think it wouldn't be as easy to do if he wasn't enriching mine. I'm so thankful and so blessed to be in a marriage that works two ways. My favorite place in the whole world is to be at home with Michael. I think that my happiness naturally enriches his life because I am happy and willing to do the things that enrich his. I don't think it's always about doing things like having dinner ready or laundry done, but what I really have noticed is my personal state affects him. If I haven't been in the word and I am stressed out, he is stressed out. If there is something not right with me, there is something not quite right with him. It is so important for me to focus on my relationship with God first in order to enrich my life and his. This also works two ways. First and foremost, it's about your personal relationship with Christ. That is the key to true fullfillment and joy. Happiness is fleeting but joy is constant and our Savior provides that to anyone who is willing to accept it. So, I lean on God to be joyful in my home so that Michael will see that and after first leaning on God, he can also lean on me as well.

Enriching his life is more than being the best cook (THANK GOODNESS!)... although I think this cake for his last birthday turned out pretty good!

I'm doing this Proverbs 31 series because I think it's important for us to know these attributes that God finds precious about us. However, one thing I didn't realize until last night when I attended the Abingdon Women speakers at our church and heard Kim Dunnam Reisman speak event was that Proverbs 31 wasn't written for instruction. We (and I mean especially ME) have turned it in to a "to-do" list. It's meant to be an ode to women, not a list that we have to live up to. It bogs me down and makes me exhausted just thinking about doing everything this women did. But you know what? It doesn't tell us about her hard days does it? The days that she thinks she can't go on and she can't possibly do one more thing. But I think it sums it up nicely at the end. No matter what she does or how "perfect" she seems to be... it doesn't matter to God. What truly matters is that she fears the Lord. That's why she is praised. Not because she's the best wife, mother, philanthropist, etc.

One thing I'm realizing more and more is that I truly am free in Christ. I can read His word and strive to live up to those things that will glorify Him but at the end of the day I don't need to beat myself up and neither do you. I'm going to leave you with 2 things.

1) You are beautiful, smart, love and cherished by the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the name above all names. A friend of mine shared this video with me and I think you'll like it. Ladies, this is what God feels for you regardless of how "perfect" you are (thank goodness)!

Click here to see the video!

2) A verse that has been on my heart. We are free in Christ and I hope you can live that way today!

"But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter."
Romans 7:6

I promise the next blog will come sooner rather than later and to speed things up a bit I'm going to do verses 12-15. Until next time.

In our sweet & precious Savior,
Rachel

The Virtuous Wife - "a woman of strength"

Here I am nine months after my husband, Michael, and I said our vows. It's amazing to me what God has done with our marriage in that short time. And not only during that 9 months but I have felt Him working in our lives since we were engaged two years ago. From not having a church home, to finally finding a church that we really enjoyed, to joining, coaching basketball (Mike), attending the Marriage and Laughter seminar in January and finally to God leading us and a few other couples to start our own Young Married Sunday School class, He has truly been working. I have seen one of the biggest changes in my husband's heart which completely melts my own. The man that used to be on a time frame in church and didn't like to read the bible, now beats me getting up and ready for church and is probably more consistent with his quiet time than I am. I say all of this to show you how God is truly working because it is through Him that we have found this undescribable joy and fullness in our lives. Our marriage is only complete in Christ.

I have really taken pride and joy in being Michael's wife. I say in my letter to Michael on our wedding day that I was never the girl that dreamed about her wedding day. I dreamed about having a "big girl job", traveling, and life but that I could all of that and have the man of my dreams. Looking back, how silly was I to not dream about being married? I guess I was afraid of being fully reliant and dependent on A MAN. I mean, come on... they are just men. But God had assured me time and time again why I fell in love with Michael and why he is my partner and why I should be reliant on him. So, I strive to be the best wife I can be. In the beginning, that meant doing all the laundry (still try to do this because let's face it I don't want him doing mine :)), cooking most nights during the week, and other "wifely duties". However, it was soon clear to me that those things didn't make a home. It wasn't going to feed my husband's heart and I started thinking was I really living the life of a Christian wife and doing the things God called me to do?

This is really when we began to get more involved in church. We bought Michael a bible, we began having quiet time together one Monday mornings to reflect on what we learned during the sermon on Sunday, and we've tried to do a bible memory verse each month. We also try (although we have been really bad lately) to read from a couple's devotional, "The Love Dare" each night before we go to bed. Also, little things such a prayer before every meal, even out at restaurant has become a staple in our marriage and something that him and I look forward to.

As I continue to think about what it means to be a Godly woman and wife, I decided I was going to reflect back on one of my favorite chapters in the bible - Proverbs 31 (specifically vs 10-31). I'd like to do this on the 6th of each month (Michael and I were married on October 6, 2013) as a reminder. You may be very familiar with this. It is the "token" Christian wife scripture. However, I think it is much more than that and can be applied to all women. There are so many things we can learn from this annonymous woman. Over the next couple of months I'm going to be writing about my journey through Proverbs 31 as I dive a little deeper. I have found this blog as an outlet for me but also if I can help any women, encourage just one of you, then that makes pleases God and makes me happy.

I'll begin by saying what in the world is a VIRTUOUS wife? It sounds pretty cool doesn't it? I feel like a little kid in class raising my hand saying "I want to be one! Pick me!". A virtous wife, in a literal sense, means "woman of strength". Now I'm really waving my hand in the air wanting God to pick me. But the truth is, God offers this to any woman, not just a select few. So why is this meaningful? And what does being a woman of strength mean?

1. I think this is meaningful because God said so. :) God has created Eve from Adam's flesh (or to be literal Adam's rib, Gen 2:21-22). Notice the key reasons God created women in the verse below (I've bolded them).

Genesis 2:18 – 24
18) Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." 19) Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20) The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21) So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22) The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." 24) For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Adam couldn't do it alone. He needed a "helper sutiable for him". Notice that it didn't say just any ole helper or another man. He needed a woman, and the right woman at that. God knew exactly which woman Adam needed and he created Eve. And it's important that it was a woman, not a man, because God knew that men needed the kind of helper that would be emotionally supportaive and posses different qualities than a man.

God also says that a virtuous woman's worth is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10). Did you know that rubies are worth more than diamonds? Let's put it this way, if diamonds are a girls best friend, then rubies are a girls soul mate. :) I'm not a jewelry expert but I believe it is in part because they are so rare. Also in vs. 10 it states "Who can find a virtuous woman" indicating that virtuous women, like rubies, are also rare. In other words, a women who is virtuous is precious to God. So, we are VERY important to God's design, ladies.

2. What does being a woman of strength (a virtuous woman) mean? Does it mean strong in the literal sense? Probably not... although having a strong and healthy body does help you be more confident and more active which leads to being a healthier woman and wife. A woman of strength indicates the kind of woman that the woman in Proverbs 31 is. She knows what she believes. She loves the Lord and can handle anything that comes her way because she has the Lord on her side. She not only takes care of her family but she works, and works hard not only in her home but outside of her home as well - volunteering, working with her hands, making investments/ she makes thoughtful decisions on behalf of her family. Geez, she is pretty great. When it comes down to it I think it's all about her heart and her intentions to do what is pleasing to the Lord and what is right for her family. If you don't have your own family yet, that means to your parents and friends.

Over the next month I'll go through the verses and we'll see what all of her characteristics are. I'd like to focus on them one at a time to reflect on what they really mean and how to practice them in everyday life. The first part we'll be focusing on is the verses below:

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain." Proverbs 31:11

Until next time,
R &M